Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
