im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
