just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
