fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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