fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
