I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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