Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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