my soul wont recognize me after tonight
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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