Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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