i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
