google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
