He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
