I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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