We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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