I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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