I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
