Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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