Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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