I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
