you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
