hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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