so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
