Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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