I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize