Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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