how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
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i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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