I'm gonna have a badass scar
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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