whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
