I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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