This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
