Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
