you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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Are my feet made of real feet?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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