Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
