in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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