Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
