Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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