He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
