I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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