OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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