Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
