it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
