Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
