There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
3 2 1 whiskey
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
