oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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