His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
