he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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