Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
