Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
