I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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