the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
