I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
