6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
40s are totally the cure
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
