What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
