i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize