Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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