I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
