I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I would ride that face into the sunset
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
