He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
