I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
