My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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