So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
