So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
