that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
