When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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