you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
