How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
