She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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