My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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